6 reasons that job didn’t call me back
(One of these is true and it’s not the one you’re thinking)
1. I sent them my clown resume
2. My cover letter was Sublime’s “Scarlet Begonias”
3. My references all had the same phone number as my header
4. Through an odd combination of intoxication and a poor connection from stealing my neighbor’s Internets I accidentally sent them a poem called “XGF” about my ex girlfriend from my sophomore year in high school written like Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven”
5. This is an employer’s market so they can post things on craigslist that say “Entry Level” as well as “Must have 2 years experience” and laugh all the way to the bodega to buy coffee and a Financial Times
6. I inadvertently pointed out my address is a functional haiku
